I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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