she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If I die, sorry about rent.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
