then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
