I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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