Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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