btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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