I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
