I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
