I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
