Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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