I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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