I am puke
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
