I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
