I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
