Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
