just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
