dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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