I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
