I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
