Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
