You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
