My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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