I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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