So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
