So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
