How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
