He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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