a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
