My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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