So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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