I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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