You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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