Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
