We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize