We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
