hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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