new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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