I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just tell him i said nine months
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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