True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
