I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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