When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
