Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
