This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
