the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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