The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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