Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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