she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax