Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.