the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.