I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
