Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.

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(954): View more from Florida

i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.

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(512): View more from Texas

You're like the curious george of whores

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(907): View more from Alaska

I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?

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(815): View more from Illinois

How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night

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(716): View more from New York

Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.

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(406): View more from Montana

Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.

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