i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
God I need to hump something, right now.
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