she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
