Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
