There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
