getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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