we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
