'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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