Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
