Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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