I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
