So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
