i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
