Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You are a genius and a whore.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
