did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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