of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
