It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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