I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
